Freedy Johnston wrote what is among the greatest songs ever, “Bad Reputation.” It’s from his third record, “This Perfect World” and it is about as perfect a song as has ever been written. I like Freedy a lot, and I especially like his fourth record, “Never Home” which has to be one of my favorite album title/album cover art combinations ever. I first picked this record up in May of my senior year of high school and was disappointed it wasn’t as poppy and polished as his previous record, but with time I realize that this lack of polish is what makes it the best of his (admittedly great) catalog.
“On The Way Out”- This is a song about shoplifting. The first couple of times I listened to it, I tried to figure out what Freedy was singing about metaphorically because there is no way that anybody would write a song about shoplifting. But Freedy does. I’ve never personally shoplifted, but I imagine it’s a lot like what this song describes. I love that the narrator is really only stealing because they’re bored, which is the only way I can justify in my head the choices Winona Ryder has made with her life. Why else would you attempt to shoplift panties when you’re a millionaire? For the same reason you date anybody, so long as they play guitar and have had their photo printed in Spin. Because you’re bored. God this song is fantastic.
“I’m Not Hypnotized”- Another song that is deceptively about exactly what it says it is about. Again, I thought this song was metaphorical, but upon closer examination, this song is about someone attempting to hypnotize someone else. And it answers what I’ve long suspected about stage hypnotists: they rely on the inherent showmanship in their “victims” for their trick to work. Next time you go see a hypnotism show, just imagine the person being hypnotized just reciting the chorus to this song. Hypnotist: “You are now a chicken.” Freedy: “Whatever, I’ll say anything, but I’m not hypnotized.”
“Western Sky”- Each of these songs is like a tiny short story. This is a song about a couple moving out west, except the husband is too afraid to fly, so he drives while she flies. That’s what the song is about. How frickin’ awesome is that? It also contains one of my favorite verses in music ever: “An exit in the rain/ she answers before it rang/ he could only say her name.” Johnston is fantastic. Maybe Winona should’ve dated him. Maybe he’d have straightened out her life.
“One More Thing to Break”- This is a terrific name for a song. Maybe he’s talking about Winona Ryder. I have to admit that I’ve never done any research into this, but I don’t think Freedy is her type. He does have quite the receding hairline, and we all know how much she loves men with long, greasy, unwashed hair. I’m more convinced than ever that these two need each other. It would allow Winona to show she has grown as a person that she is able to date a bald man who writes terrific songs about unexpected things, instead of a greasy haired heroin addict who writes songs named after vaguely narcotic sounding carbohydrate chains. And Freedy would get what I’ve long called the “Lyle Lovett bump,” when a great unappreciated singer-songwriter dates/marries a much more famous Hollywood actress.
“He Wasn’t Murdered”- I wonder if Randy Newman invented the concept of writing songs about losers who don’t redeem themselves in anyway, but if he did, Freedy Johnston should send him a card every Father’s Day. This song, like each on this album, tells a little story. How does this work as a one-line description of a sketchy character: “Looking both ways down a one way street”? That’s right. Amazingly.
“You Get Me Lost”- I’m now going to pretend this song is told from the point of view of Winona Ryder. That aside, it’s a really beautiful love song, and a pretty accurate description of how men fall for women. Maybe he’s writing this ABOUT Winona, and maybe when he says “I don’t care where we’re going” it’s because she’s about to take him on a crime-spree?
(Oh, Freedy... you never stood a chance with Winona, did you?)
“Hotel Seventeen”- Freedy released two more albums after this, “Blue Day, Black Nights” which contains a song about a deep-sea diver and one told from the point of view of a newborn baby. His last record, “Right Between the Promises” was released in 2001. Eight years ago. I’ve heard that he’s recorded a new one, and that it’ll be out soon, but I’ve been hearing that since 2004 at least. This guy is one of those guys who needs to put a record out every eighteen months. This song is probably the weakest on the record, which is why I haven’t really said anything about it.
“Gone to See the Fire”- Thank god. A song about an arsonist. It had been a while, like two whole songs, since Freedy wrote about anything seedy. Again, I spent a fair amount of time when this album first came out trying to figure out the deep symbolic meaning of this song. But it’s just a song about a guy who sets buildings on fire because he likes to watch things burn. The girl in this song does better detective work over the course of the three minutes of this song than the entire cast of CSI: Miami does over the course of an entire season.
“Seventies Girl”- This is a song about a guy whose new girlfriend discovers his old girlfriend’s left behind clothes and starts dressing up like her. The chorus? “Seventies Girl, don’t come any closer.” This song is pure brilliance. I bet you’re wondering why this guy still has his old girlfriend’s clothes? Well, he explains it. Because these clothes were in the suitcase that she threw at him when she walked out. I mean, if you get so angry at your boyfriend that you throw a suitcase full of your clothes at him when you’re walking out, how do you go about getting those clothes back? If you’re smart, like this lady seems to have been, you just write those clothes off. That’s what you get for throwing a suitcase at a guy. That his new girlfriend is dressing up in your twenty-year old clothes that I’ve got to imagine you would’ve given away or thrown out yourself? Better to just let these things go. Oh, wait, you’re not real. Never mind.
“If It’s True”- This song seems to be about a young couple that discovers that it may be pregnant. I love the chorus, “if it’s true” because that strikes me as exactly the way a young dope like this narrator would have this argument. We can’t afford this baby, we don’t really know each other that well, if it’s even true. The lyric writing in the bridge is phenomenal. “In a land-locked town with a backwards name selling paintings of the sea. If I won’t believe my own advice I won’t ever fool a child and they won’t forgive you once they seen you’ve tried.”
“Something’s Out There”- This song is about alien abduction. Or about someone who thinks he’s been abducted by aliens. I love that he tells people that you need to talk to him during the day because he’s somewhere else at night, i.e. getting anally probed aboard a spaceship. I know I’m probably making this album seem like a joke, but if you don’t pay too much attention to the lyrics, it sounds like a really well-written and produced singer-songwriter album,and you can just pretend these are all songs about love. But you’ll be missing something wonderful--it’s a well-written and produced singer-songwriter album about people getting abducted by aliens. And arsonists. And shoplifters. And that kid who you watched get hypnotized on stage at summer camp that you knew, deep down in your heart was only faking for the attention.
(There are a shocking lack of FJ videos on Youtube, so I'll include here the aforementioned "Bad Reputation" for your listening pleasure.)
BUY THIS RECORD!
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